


Volton's Diary - A Prick In The Making

by Hopscotch12



Category: One Direction
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-19
Updated: 2015-08-19
Packaged: 2018-04-15 13:59:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4609371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hopscotch12/pseuds/Hopscotch12
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Volton W. Erasmus is sick to the stomach of being a people pleaser, but he'll be damned if he tells anyone, he's simply too polite. He takes refuge in an old diary he discovered while digging through the Erasmus Household attic, now he can be brutal, honest and speak his mind - all without prodding a single toe.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

March 12, 1952

Dear Diary

I found you while digging in the attic today. I was bitten by a spider and I expect to die soon because of it. Mother says I won't die from a small spider bite, but she never went to school a day in her life - so how can she know? She doesn't read national geo. Magazines, all she listens to on the radio is the Andrew Sisters and last night she told me that my sore throat was the result of flu, not tonsillitis - how can she know? She's a bit of a twat, to be brutally honest. (Yes, I said it - I FUCKING said it) Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, shit, cock fanny. I feel exhilarated and you don't know it because you're a book - but I'm smiling like a loony. It feels good, it really does. I don't think I've spoken in such vulgar language in my all of my 15 years alive - I'm to be a man soon, so that means I can screw when the time is right. (Good Heavens, this is excellent. This should be included in therapy. Have people swear their willies and fannies off. If that doesn't cure their biting madness, only God then knows what will).

Mine Honestly and brutally so 

Volton W. Erasmus


	2. Chapter 2

Dear Diary

In my attempt to be a bit less futile with my tongue-in-cheek attitude, I'm learning to be a bit more brutal. Perhaps like Oscar Wilde, honest, always. I'm probably, like most teenagers and older people at this point, the biggest liar I know. "How was your day, Voltie?", asks, granma. My reply was a lie: "Great thanks" and you? "Did you feed the cat, Voltie", asks mom, "Yes", another lie. Lie, lie, lie all day long! To hell with it, I say. My day was horrible. Bloody pompous Christopher Dane was at it again too. He got everyone to call him "Riptide" just because he won the surf competition a week ago when schools opened. "Psha Dude, Malibu was okay, you know" Asshole. And what the hell is a Psha?? And he always pretends he's clever with his "mind-blowing" theories. "Hey mates, what if the sea wasn't blue and animals are the only things that know it? Psha, dude" I mean??!! Also, Melanie Weaver, the prettiest girl in class, thinks he's sooo cool with his "bangs 'n fangs". When will the reign of stupid ignorance end? I will write a book about it to educate people like Melanie, and she'll fall hopelessly in love with my manliness. It's fool-proof.

Mine Sincerely  
Volton W. Erasmus  
The "Author"


End file.
